show your love

     it sometimes surprises me when people prioritize different things than i do or show their appreciation in different ways than i do. i was raised to value love and family and loyalty. you made time for your loved ones. you showed up to your kid's dance performance, you had dinner together every night (almost), you spent quality time together on the weekends doing things everyone enjoyed and it was really fun. 

     because of the way my parents raised me, when i get a break from school i try to figure out how much time i can spend with my family and friends. i don't care what we do. as long as everyone enjoys themselves it was worthwhile. with my family it often ends up being long chatty dinners, seeing movies, or going to art museums together. with my best friend michelle we talk everyday via text, we have lunch or dinner together, or we go have a pool day with her little baby girl which is a freakin blast! i have friends i'm more likely to go to dance concerts with or some other live performance. and i have friends that just wanna get some drinks and dance like silly girls. i'd gladly plan a trip with special activities with any of them. but i don't have a lot of spare money and i'm often glad to just sit back and catch up with those closest to me since they are the most interesting and sweet people i know. 

     there are plenty of things i'd like to do someday and places i'd like to go. but it isn't what drives my planning. i don't care if i go to Paris tomorrow or twenty years from now, i wanna make sure i go with someone i love. a friend. a boyfriend. a family member. it doesn't matter. love is love and fun is fun. i will have fun if i'm spending time with someone i love.

     i think there can be problems when others don't live the way i do but want to be in my life. if a guy i'm dating or someone i'm friends with wants to be close but doesn't make time for me, i will assume i'm not important to them. it's not that i have to see them every week or month. i need the effort of saying "i will be there on monday the 6th" and they show up. i have met people who claim that they can't make plans because they don't know what they will be doing from one day to the next. but if you genuinely feel that way and you really can't even plan a day ahead of time, our relationship will never progress. we will never get closer than being acquaintances.

     it seems like when i date someone it's like i give them a temporary pass to "high priority." it's not that i place them above the levels of my family and best friends, but i want to plan a time to see them again soon. i want to get to know them well in a faster time period so i can decide if i want to keep planning them into my life. if they aren't worth the effort, i want to find out sooner rather than later. and i think for the most part it is rude to cancel a date for anything less than an emergency. if you tell me you are going to be there, then saying your roommate asked you if you wanted to go to the bar down the street is obviously not a good enough reason to cancel. that clearly implies that i have zero priority. and i am not ok with that. it's just plain manners to show up when you say you will.

     now i admit, there are other ways to show your appreciation and respect for others. but if your way of showing that i am important to you is different than mine, then i need you to tell me that. i might try to accept your ways and not be hurt when you don't make plans with me. but chances are i will probably keep you at arms length. if i can't trust you to plan me into your life then i won't put in the effort to plan you into mine. i feel like this becomes more and more important with age. it was easy to see people when you had six classes with them and they lived 5 minutes away. but with age people move away, get their own family, have a busy career, and get all sorts of new priorities that take up time. planning is the only way to make sure you see someone. i don't claim to be the most organized woman in the world. but i will plan as far ahead as i have to to make sure i get my quality time with my loved ones. but that's me.

(don't you wish i had told you to do a drinking game to this where you drink whenever i say the word "plan?" you would be so drunk right now!!!)