i love that movie :)
anyways, i wanted to talk about meditation. i grew up with parents talking to me a lot about auras, chakras, and meditation. they would be meditating on the ground and i would sit next to them with my legs tied up like pretzels, trying my hardest to think about nothing. i was never any good at it. when i asked my mom why it was so hard she just said it would get easier with age. well, i'm 29 years old and when i try to have a blank mind, that's when i have the petulant brain of a caged monkey on Ritalin. it's probably even harder now than when i was a kid.
Lies, I tell you! Lies!!!
just before i started grad school i was taking a yoga class at csuf twice a week. the guy was very sweet and spiritual. he would try, occasionally, to lead us in a meditation at the end of class. the ones where we were just supposed to stare at a spot on the carpet and think of nothing went the worst. i always have a song in my head. and if it is the rare occasion that i don't and i notice that i don't, then like an ipod set to shuffle a random song pops into my head and it's impossible to get it out. every ridiculous thought i could have comes to me when i'm trying to clear my mind. it's like i'm mocking myself. "i can't believe i thought i could meditate. soon i'll think i can exercise regularly and eat healthy. pffft!"
the meditations where we were visualizing something went better. but he kept using imagery that didn't work for me. He'd say, "you're in a calm lake," and i was always like, "no i'm not." i would try and it wouldn't work. eventually i would give up and just see dance in my head that would go to the song that was stuck in my head. it's still calming, but not what i was going for.
i would do the best with chakra meditations. i think because my parents had taught me some since i was little: visualizing healing light filling my body, pretending that black smoke was leaving my lungs (which symbolized all the negative energy inside me). i even would use it at school. way back in high school i started visualizing my body being filled with radiant gold light before a test. i don't know if at actually changed anything, but it calmed me down and put me in the right state of mind to take the test.
the first time my yoga teacher had us do a heart chakra meditation, it was incredible. focusing all that energy on my heart and visualizing it glowing with beautiful pale green light that emanated outwards just felt amazing. i was giddy for the rest of the day. it was probably one of the best days of my life and yet that is the only thing i can remember about it. everywhere i went i was smiling and felt so filled with love. i was so happy every time he had us do that meditation.
i did it occasionally at home after that. one time i was visualizing the light growing and growing till it went beyond the planet and into the whole universe. i then had an image in my mind of every person on the planet emanating radiant loving energy till we swimming in it and our hearts were connected so that you couldn't tell where one person's light ended and another person's began. every person on the planet, joining together and glowing with loving energy that filled the universe. it was lovely and it filled me with hope.
i know it's hard to feel love for every person. people to bad things, make mistakes, and lose sight of the good in them. but i think god has more love, understanding, and forgiveness than we could ever imagine. the best we can do is try to feel that for each other. fill our hearts with love and send it out to everyone.
it's easy to get caught up in the stresses of life. i've been doing it a lot lately. but i want to try and do this meditation once a week from now on. i want to feel love for no reason because i know i really do have plenty of reason.
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