peggy

     i was raised by parents who were kind of raised christians (it's a long story) but went through a new age phase when i was a young child. we would talk about astrology, reincarnation/past lives, out of body dreams, tarot, palmistry, enlightenment, and chakras. they were very open minded and raised me to be the same. ever since i was little, the idea that dreams could be something more than just dreams was common place. the idea that you could leave your body or get visited by family members who have passed on was accepted as normal. and i definitely had a few dreams over the years that seemed to be more than just dreams. 

     i was young when my grandfather died and i had a couple dreams about him after he died that were very special. the first one was of us running along a beach and just enjoying some time together. it was a beach i had never been to or seen a picture of before but when i described it to my dad the next morning he knew exactly what i was talking about and that it was a beach from my grandfather's youth. this happened soon after his death and when i was still very young. the next dream i had about him was when i was a teenager. it was very powerful. the part that i remember the best was when he was standing right in front of me and said he had a very important and special gift to give me. i felt him hand it to me but i couldn't look down to see what it was and then i woke up. i welled up with emotions. i felt like i had literally just been face to face with him and i couldn't stop thinking about that dream for weeks. to this day i occasionally think of that dream and get a warm feeling of love for my grandfather.

     back about 10 years ago my grandmother died. i was never really close to her. apparently, the first time my grandmother held me as a baby i immediately burst into tears and wouldn't stop crying till i was back in my mom's arms. our relationship never really got any better than that. i never understood her at all. she always seemed so intense, moody, and unhappy. she was always complaining and trying to guilt people by talking about how horrible her life was. and it seemed like she was slowly falling apart since i was born. i don't even remember her without a walker. after my grandpa died she only got worse. slowly she lost her vision, lost her hearing, had to stay in a wheelchair, and was completely dependent on my aunt by the end. when she finally died it was a relief, like she could finally be back with her husband in the afterlife and be free of a body that gave out on her.

     i didn't dream about her soon after her death like i did with my grandpa. it wasn't until recently that i dreamt about her. in the dream i was at a rehab hospital and she was a patient there. she was actually looking happy and calm. she asked me for advice on exercises for her to do. we went over the ones she was already doing and i gave her a couple more that i thought would be helpful. and then i hugged her and said goodbye. i actually felt close to my grandmother in that dream. like i could see the real her, the best part of her. i felt like even though we didn't have a great relationship while she was alive, there was hope for us to be close in the afterlife. it was an amazing feeling. 

     the first person i told this dream to was my dad. not just because it was about his mother, but because he had a similar kind of dream about his dad not that long ago. he dreamt that he went to this rehabilitation place and saw his dad looking healthy and happy and his dad even showed off his nice pink lungs which had been healing since his death from lung cancer. he had this feeling from it that after we die we go to a sort of rehabilitation place where we recuperate from what happened to us while we were alive. a place where we could get back to who we really were. i knew he would be happy to hear of a dream of mine that was like saying that grandma was there now and she was doing great. 

     i have no idea if this is really how it works or if it was simply a dream. but i like the idea of it. i like the idea of getting past the crap that life dealt us so we can get to the core of who we really are and be our best selves. i like the idea that whatever issues i had with a relative while they were alive doesn't really matter after they have passed. it's over. just gotta let it go. i don't know how this universe works and i don't expect to ever understand it while i'm alive. but if life is what you make it then i will enjoy this theory of the afterlife. it makes sense to me and it gives me a feeling of warmth and calmness. what's wrong with that?