the other day i was in a car with my parents and we saw a girl drive by in a bright barbie-pink mustang and i said, "that car is telling everyone that she is not ready for a mature/serious relationship anytime soon." this made my parents laugh. female immaturity is different from male immaturity. guys, when they are immature and not ready for a relationship, will act like male sluts and fuck anything that breaths. women, on the other hand, who are not really ready for a mature relationship are often overly girly and self-involved while simultaneously being obsessed with getting married and having kids. i know this is a stereotype and that there are immature girls who approach sex and relationships the way immature men do. but i have seen first-hand the destructive effects of the immature female who puts marriage before the actual relationship.
i have had few real romantic relationships in my life and none of them have lasted for that long. yes, i am picky. not to a crazy extent where one article of clothing a guy wears one time will change my opinion on him. i just know what i like and don't want to waste years some creep i either have nothing in common with or who treats me like crap. i often use the example of the types of women who aren't picky at all and the bad outcomes i have seen from this approach as my reasoning for acting the way i do. the sad thing is that, for the most part, i am really only talking about one person i know. i know a girl who can't stand to be single at all. i'm not sure i've ever known her to be single for more than 2 months and i've known her for a long time. it seems as though she will just turn whoever the next guy who comes along and asks her out into her next boyfriend.
the problem with this girl and girls like her is that she has no idea how immature she is and how not ready she is for a serious relationship. she is so focused on getting married and having kids that she doesn't seem to care who it is that she marries. she convinces herself that each next guy is "the guy" and changes who she is to match him. this girl i know has tried to turn at least the last 4 boyfriends she has had into her husband. she is so self-involved with her personal desires that she doesn't realize she keeps repeating the same pattern over and over again. it always ends terribly. there's always a ton of drama because she keeps trying to make it work with some random guy who is probably not even close to being right for her.
part of the problem is a lack of self awareness of who she really is. she has been doing this pattern so long that she has been conforming herself into what the guy wants her to be since she started dating in high school instead of discovering who she really is and finding someone to compliment her. i know that being alone can be scary. but, isn't the idea of waking up at the age of 30 and not knowing anything about yourself even scarier? what if you are 50 and you still don't know? and then how do you raise kids and teach them how to be themselves and discover who they are if you have no idea who you are?
i often think these kinds of people want marriage and kids for all the wrong reasons in the first place. maybe it's because of pressure from their family. maybe they were raised to believe that you aren't a real woman till you're married and pregnant. maybe they wanna show off to their friends that they can get married and have kids before they do. maybe they just wanna be a stay-at-home mom and never work a day in their life. whatever the reasoning, it's all bullshit. they are still just focusing on what they want without giving a crap about what anyone else wants.
when i was younger i thought, "yeah, i want to get married and have kids. but, jesus christ, not anytime soon!" i've seen my parents succeed at both of these and wondered how the hell they did it. they make it look so easy but everyone says it's so hard. are they freaks? can i ever find someone who i can have that successful a relationship with? will i ever be able to come close to being as good a parent as either of them? as i get older i don't stress so much, i think because i not only know them better and how they do what they do, but i also know myself better. i know how similar i am to them. if they can do it, i probably can too.
so yes, i do want to eventually get married and have a family some day. i don't have it all figured out. i don't know when i want to get married or where i want to live or how many kids i want or if i want cats or dogs or both. i think it's too selfish to make all those decisions on your own. a marriage is about 2 people. you have to both agree when to marry and how many kids to have and so on. i want to be an old married lady with my kids and grandkids coming over for christmas and running around the house. but also, a family is what you want it to be. so as long as i'm surrounded by loved ones until the day i die, i'm good.
No comments:
Post a Comment