i am currently on a summer break from grad school. have been since may 10th-ish. and i've been doing what i love, which is a bunch of nothing. i often feel like the only people i can be honest about my lazy, antisocial, hermit ways with are my parents, brother, and oldest friend. i know they won't make me feel bad for it. they might even say things that imply that they approve like "nice" or "i'm jealous." i don't feel like other people would react that way.
i'm spending my summer break much the same way i spent the summer breaks of my junior high and high school days, watching a lot of tv. i keep telling myself to exercise and clean the place up a bit, but that hasn't really happened in awhile. i recently bought about 10 dvds of movies that i've been making my way through. and there are a couple on netflix i've been meaning to see. i love doing this when i have a break. it makes me feel like i'm treating myself. having some special alone time (and no i'm not talking about masturbating) that can be whatever i want it to be. i love when i have a long enough break that i can get into this mode long enough that i finally get bored with it and start looking forward to school again. that's when i know the stress from the last semester is all gone.
i feel like if i were to tell most people i know about my days they would immediately suggests things for me to do with my time. why don't you read a book? why don't you go to the beach? why don't you travel? ugh, why don't you all go fuck yourselves? it's my break. i can do with it what i want. i don't read books during my breaks cuz it feels like homework. i'm 29, i've grown up in southern california. i don't need to go to the beach for the 10,000th time. especially since i've spent the past 2 years in classes and have almost no melanin in my skin to protect me. and i did travel recently. i spent 10 days in colorado with my parents. i'm not a fan of flying. i had terrible allergies. and as much as i love my parents, i really shouldn't be forced to live with them again cuz i've gotten way to used to living alone. and holy lord, do they talk a lot. it's baffling. i know they are happy and they can do what they wanna do and live how they wanna live. but, wow.
i do enjoy leaving the apartment to do things when i have someone to do them with, problem is that involves a lot of planning now. i live at least 40 miles away from most of my friends. and with la traffic, that's annoying. they all have different schedules. they all have their own special trips and events that they have been planning with other people. it's a fucking bitch. so instead of spending my entire day on the phone trying to figure out the next person i could do something with and then driving at least an hour to see them, i hang out at home. it's cool. i like my company. i do talk to myself and i often make myself laugh. deal with it. it's called having an imagination.
i feel like most people will hear this and think that i will end up some crazy cat lady shut in, scaring the neighbors kids and complaining about loud parties. the thing is, i don't want to live alone forever, but i love it right now. and i love the idea of someday finding a guy who i enjoy living with. someone who doesn't talk too much about every little thing. someone who enjoys spending an entire day indoors, watching movies and baking cookies. and someone who can help me leave the house and do things i've never done before. maybe none of this makes sense to you. but hopefully there are a few other people out there that agree with me.
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